What's in a name...and an I171H update

I've gotten so used to using our chosen names in conversation and with my I-see-you-everyday friends that I'd forgotten that we hadn't made a grand reveal to those we aren't lucky enough to see every day!

As my previous post indicates, our boy's name is Jackson and our girl's name is Hope. They both have stories behind them. Both were picked what seems like long ago - as we started trying to get pregnant naturally (which, of course, led to a fertility treatments and our it's-a-bust IVF last winter).

Jackson is my mother's maiden name, and I have always been extraordinarily close to that side of my family. I've ALWAYS wanted to use it as my boy's name, as a way to honor that side of the family. When the name became somewhat popular I thought it was funny, because to me the name has such MEANING and emotion attached to it.

But, there's more. On that same side of the family, the Jackson side, we have a history of the initials JC (although they didn't start out as initials, they started out as an actual name, but over the years and generations they have turned into initials). When Brian and I became serious and started having the "children talks" I floated the name Jackson, with my heart close to breaking in fear that he wouldn't like it. Thankfully, he did like the name Jackson, especially when he realized how important it was to me.

Then the kicker...his grandfather went by Carl, so if we combined "my" Jackson with "his" Carl, we'd have Jackson Carl...or our very own JC. So, that's our boy's name.

On to our girl's name...Hope Elizabeth. We floated a few girl's names, and both of us really, really liked Hope. Instantly Brian said, "Hope Elizabeth." I smiled and said, "Do you know who else has a middle name of Elizabeth?" My goddaughter's middle name is Elizabeth and it's also the middle name of another one of the flower girls from our wedding, a little girl who we've known since birth who we used to live next door to, to whom we're very close. I LOVE that Brian instantly chose Elizabeth for our girl's middle name and that its a name shared by two other girls we love, love, love.

During the infertility, the name Hope took on special significance. The name became more than a name, but a sentiment, a talisman, a remembrance of...well...hope. Before the IVF my mother bought me a Pandora bracelet with letter beads spelling "HOPE", not as an in-advance-mother's bracelet but as that talisman that was intended to remind us of the meaning behind the name we love so much. Through the IVF and now through the adoption, the name gives me comfort at every turn.

The hard thing for me is to give one of the names up, as they are both so special to me! I never dreamed of having a baby when we were trying to get pregnant. Not once. That means something to me now, but I didn't think anything odd at the time. Now, of course, I know it's because we weren't ever supposed to have a baby that way, but through adoption.

But, twice during our adoption journey so far, I've dreamed of our baby and of our adoption story. The first dream we learned that our baby was our Jackson. I was elated, but then heartbroken that we didn't also have our Hope. Then, a week or so ago, I dreamed of getting a call that our baby was a girl...Hope...and I was so sad to not have our Jackson!

I know we'll have the child we're supposed to have, but we love both names so much!

Our I171H update is this: Yes, our agency requires that we have our federal government approval (aka the I171H) in hand to send copies in with our basic Russia registration paperwork. So, that's what we'll do. Wednesday marks three weeks, which definitely isn't into the complaining-is-OK stage.