A more positive post

I'm not sure if anyone is checking the blog at all, but I wanted to leave a more positive post. Not much news. We're just trying to be. For me, a planner to the nth degree, I would think that would be difficult. Strangely, it's not. I have no idea what cycle day it is, I haven't obsessively thought about every twinge in my middle section, I've been enjoying some adult beverages and we'll just see what happens!

If you see Mother Nature, tell her I have a bone to pick with her

If you were expecting a happy update, I'll have to ask you to leave now.

As you can tell by my tone, the news is not good. I called the doctor's office today after my body started giving me some bad signs and they moved my beta bloodwork test up a day. This afternoon the death knoll sounded on our January 2008 IVF dream: a big fat negative.

That's right, despite transferring 4 embies, not one stuck. Once again, we're not pregnant. Am I surprised? Not really, given our history, even though IVF gave us reason to hope. Am I disappointed? You betcha. There aren't enough words.

I'll probably make this brief, because if I write more it will turn into vomit on a web page, and none of you deserves that. You've been so wonderfully supportive and your good wishes have all come from deep in your hearts, and I so wanted to make us all happy and excited.

Brian and I aren't sure where we go from here, but we're so glad we have each other and you all as we try to figure it out. We simply couldn't have gone through this journey alone and I feel incredibly lucky to have you all in our lives.

I'll write more later, after I've had some time to process and we figure out what we're going to do now.

A quick update

Hi, all. Just a quick check in. My blood test is tomorrow, but I'm beginning to fear we might not have pulled off a Giants-like victory over Mother Nature. While I'm not throwing in the towel or jumping to conclusions, my body is starting to give me some signs that might not be so great in our particular situation. While I'm not saying the end-game is here, I just wanted to let you all know that we might not have the great news to share that we'd hoped. We'll see. I'm trying to do what Brian said and not assume until we know, but I'm also trying to hit the ground as nimbly as possible if there's a fall.

Thanks, as always, for your support. Every comment, card, e-mail, wish and thought has been just what we needed, and I know you'll all continue to be awesome regardless of our outcome. Tomorrow I likely won't be able to post until after work, so don't expect news until then unless I happen to make it home from work and know anything.

So, Brian, if you're reading this - I promise I'm not throwing in the towel, just getting it ready in case it's needed! I love you!