Dear Universe,

Please forward this to your complaint department. I believe you already have a file started for me. Look for a thick one. In addition to checking under my given name, you might also check under "Bitc&."

I'm having a tough time with you these days. And, yes, before you ask, I have tried to be positive. I have tried to have faith. Some days are just better than others, and right now those better days seem far behind and I'm having trouble verifying that they will indeed be ahead.

There are lots of kids in the universe. Lots. Many of them are lonely and need love and a home. I'm certain there is at least one in Smolensk, Russia, right now, waiting for us.

One kid, universe. One. Seriously, how hard can this be? There's a family on TV that has 18 and doesn't seem to be letting up. The mom in the WalMart parking lot apparently had more than she wanted as she started yelling at many of them.

We've done all you've asked. We've filled out the paperwork, we've answered intimately personal questions from strangers, we've had to get our bosses to verify that they think we'd make acceptable parents. I understand why we had to do these things, but that doesn't mean I liked having to do them, or that not everyone who has children has to do it.

We've made tough financial decisions, we've taken on extra work, we've cut down on the time we get to spend together, all because I believe Brian will make the most amazing father and just flipping deserves the chance to be one, and because I think he thinks I'll make a pretty damn good mother.

Any assistance you can provide would be much appreciated. Life is in limbo and it just goes on and on and on. There's more I want to write about, but this is a public blog and you never know who is going to see what. Suffice it to say that other big challenge I have currently? I'm not sure how much longer I can hang in there.

So, dear universe, step up your game. You've done it for everyone else around us, apparently...can we please have a turn?

(And to all those around us, please, please, please don't think we're not happy for all that you have found in life. We are. We're just hurting.)