Baby items are in the house

Our very first "new" baby items are in the house. It's a big step - let me explain why.

When Brian and I were riding the infertility roller coaster, I was afraid to buy anything. We called the extra room everything but "the baby's room." We called it the extra room, the dog's room (Guinness really likes to sleep on the bed in there), the beer room (it's usually where Brian's batches do their magical work, with the shades drawn). Every time I came close to calling it the baby's room, I'd stutter.

I'd read online about people trying to conceive getting their nursery's totally ready, stocked. Just waiting. I'd read about how they'd shop sales for toys, baby clothes, getting it all organized in plastic totes. Just waiting.

But, I did nothing. It felt like I was tempting the fates, poking at it with a big sharp stick. I felt like it would just make me more sad, as each month went by. We were already heartbroken; wouldn't it be so much worse if we sat on our loveseat and looked into a baby's room, ready, but without a baby? Wouldn't it just be a dagger to the heart to glance in as we walked past to the restroom?

When we heard the words "Congratulations, you're pregnant" that one time, that one Friday, I finally bought my first real "baby" thing - the ubiquitous "What to Expect When You're Expecting." My mom bought some adorable little baby clothes. On Monday, I had to tell her to pack them away. I had to hide the book really far back on the bookshelves so I wouldn't catch a glimpse of its mocking cover.

Even with the adoption, I'd only bought some electrical outlet covers and cabinet closures, just in case the social worker asked if we were starting to get prepared.

But, that was then. What about now, you ask? And from where, pray tell, did the new baby items come? What are they?

Our adoption agency has a series of Yahoo! e-mail groups - one of them is for first-time parents. To pass the time while we all work through the various...well, work! of adoption, we decided to have a cyber shower. The theme was bath time and you'd get paired up with another waiting couple. You'd each buy a gift and send it to them.

I'm buying my gift for my "cyber shower pal" next week, after I start picking up some hours at The Learning Tree again. But, to my delight, our gifts came this week. There's an adorable set of linkable bath animals, a wooden brush and comb set and a painfully cute set of hooded bath towels.

So, to Amanda and Andrew in Hawaii, our deepest thanks. You've helped get me over a hurdle that I was kind of dreading. Now, instead of making me sad, the toys make me feel hopeful, and I'll take that feeling any time I can get it!